A healthy marriage is predicated by mutual trust and respect. Part of this respect is understanding each others need for intimacy. Intimacy doesn’t have to mean sex, but can simply be the acknowledgement through a hug or holding hands. Unfortunately, these simple gestures are often missing in people’s relationships. This article from Holly Chaffin-Porter is was worth reading if intimacy problems are occuring in your relationship – Dr. Kurt Woeller
As vain or crude as it may sound when we say it out loud, a lack of sex within marriage can have a devastating effect on the lasting potential of the relationship. Surveys have suggested that a marriage that begins when the sexual bond is weak will end within a 12 month time period. Relationships that enter marriage with a strong sexual bond where intimacy and sex are frequent are overall; happier, stronger, more productive and more lasting than the relationships that don’t have sexual connection.
If your relationship happens to be one of the many that is struggling in the intimacy department, you may be tempted to make an attempt to liven up what goes on between the sheets. Although jumping back on the saddle may seem like the best plan of attack to keep your relationship alive, it is not. In fact, without a foundation to rest upon, sex should not be the first thing you do to revive the connection.
The main question that any couple who has stopped having sex needs to ask themselves is, “Why are we not intimate anymore?”
This is a question that is often much harder to answer that you would think. But the answer to this question, can uncover a whole lot of things that need to be discussed before sex is sought after.
If the answer to this question is something such as; lack of attraction, lack of love, overall dissatisfaction within the relationship-these are issues that need to be addressed, whether or not you are having sex. If these issues are ignored, rest assured that the intimacy issues will not be solved for long and you will be suffering once again very shortly.
When the answer is something that can be deemed a scheduling conflicts such as; too tired, different schedules don’t allow for intimacy, children take up time that would be devoted to sex, you must work as partners to find some time. If you don’t put in the effort to find time for your partner expect the possibility that your partner will be scheduling in someone else to fill the void. You may think that busy schedules don’t allow for any extra time to find trouble, but there are many individuals who are willing to make time for your spouse. Make sure you make an effort before someone else does..
If you are in a relationship that needs a little help finding the time or a way to even talk to one another about finding time to have sex, consider scheduling an appointment with someone who can assist with helping the two of you on the communication level in the relationship. There are many couples counselors and therapists, including many that are available at your church. Learning how to communicate with your spouse can make marriage and life so much more enjoyable, take time and make the effort to make your love a lasting romance.
Holly Chaffin-Porter (San Antonio Romance Examiner)